Has your child survived his/her first week of Secondary School?

Updated: Feb 14, 2020


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What's the big deal about the first week of Secondary School?


Amongst my friends who are parents, it often seems they are more concerned when their child enters into Primary 1 (P1). Less attention seems to be given to the children as they transit to Secondary One. There seems to be an assumption that children should be able to cope better since they have survived Primary School. This might be true to a certain extent. After all, they have managed to overcome their first major hurdle of the education life - Primary School Leaving Examinations (PSLE). Being in the school system for six years, they should have grasp better with the academic demands and have learnt how to tackle with streams of homework, mid-term tests & exams.


It often slips through the crack to pay attention to our teenage child, to recognize that transiting to secondary school can be equally stressful, if not more. This transition presents a next level of change. It’s a new ball game for them, one that comes with different sets of challenges. These include dealing with the loss of friendships whilst trying to keep up with new academic demands. Of which, the adjustment to a new social environment can be one of the most stressful factor through this transition. Teenagers are at this life stage where friends become a huge part of their life as they grow in their independence (Office of Adolescent Health, 2019). It matters a lot to them whether they fit in or not (Office of Adolescent Health, 2019).


“FOMO” aka fear of missing out aptly describe what matters to our youths today (Gordon, 2019). FOMO refers to feelings of anxiety and nervousness one experience as a result of missing out of a social event (Gordon, 2019). This reflects their immense need to feel belonged and to fit in, not merely to the school environment, but to their peers. In other words, when a teenager struggles to fit in and feels left out from his/her peers, it is likely going to mean a great deal to him/her.


"FOMO" (Fear of Missing Out) refers to feelings of anxiety and nervousness one experience as a result of missing out of a social event (Gordon, 2019).

In particular, for teenagers who are more introverted, quiet and reserved, this may be something of concern. As they are less socially confident, they may find it harder to connect with others. Some may even feel left out or socially awkward with their peers. Yet, this group of individuals may likely be the obedient and compliant child at home and in school. They may even be adjusting well to the requirements of school work; doing well for examinations. On the surface, one may assume they are coping well to the new secondary school. However, one may fail to notice their struggles in adjusting to the new social environment. In some scenarios, they may even become objects of bullying; being labelled as the outcast.


Yet, it is also during this transition period that parent-child relationship starts to change (Riera, n.d.). When your child was still studying in Primary School, most of the decisions were mostly made by you (Riera, n.d.) – which school to attend; which enrichment classes to take; who to take care of them after school and many more. When they faced challenges in primary school, they would likely turn to you for help. However, this relationship has changed now, as your child turns into an adolescent. He/she may prefer to seek help from their peers, or likely depend on self to manage the problems.


In Search of an Identity


According to Erik Erikson’s 8 stages of psychosocial development stages, all of us experience eight stages of development throughout our life, starting from infant to late adulthood (Cherry, 2019). At each stage, there is a psychological crisis or task that we need to overcome in order to build a healthy sense of self (Cherry, 2019). If we fail to overcome these tasks, we may develop feelings of inadequacy (Cherry, 2019).


Children, aged 6 to 12, has to overcome the “school age” stage, namely the task of industry vs inferiority (Lumen Learning, n.d.). During this stage, children begin to compare themselves with their peers (Lumen Learning, n.d.), from academics to CCA performance, from social activities to family life and even the material possessions they have. If they perceive that they are not good enough, an “inferiority complex might develop into adolescence and adulthood” (Lumen Learning, n.d.)


Teenagers, aged 13 to 18, are transiting into the “adolescence” stage, facing with the task of identity vs role confusion (Lumen Learning, n.d.). At this stage, they are trying to develop a sense of self. They often struggle with questions such as “Who am I?” and “What do I want to do with my life?” (Lumen Learning, n.d.) In their search for their identity, they may derive their identity from finding themselves through their relationships with others. How they view themselves may be greatly affected by how others view them, or how others respond to them.


Hence, teenagers who are struggling to make social connections with their peers, will feel socially inadequate. This may in turn affect their self-esteem and their self-concept negatively, causing them to further isolate and withdraw themselves from social situations. This fear of interacting with others, or being involved in social situations may result in social anxiety.


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What is Social Anxiety?


Social anxiety is “intense anxiety or the fear of being judged, negatively evaluated or rejected in a social or performance situation.” (ADAA, n.d.) As a result of this intense anxiety or fear, a person’s daily life may be disrupted to varying degrees. Some may avoid attending gatherings and parties to avoid stressful social situations; others may find it extremely distressing to even attend school (ADAA, n.d.). This, if not treated early and properly, may develop into social anxiety